Introduction: Totally influenced
An honest “fitness” blog
there isn’t a word for what I want to capture related to exercise and what is narrowly perceived as “fitness”, but the entirety of what it should be to us, the relationship we should have to what that thing actually is at the center of wanting to engage in the thing that we call exercise.
Running very long distances
lifting very heavy things
competing in intense competitions
pushing our limits physically
and pushing our limits mentally, through physicality and physical expression of our body
some sensation of having conquered the natural world,
there is something primal to it
what exists as exercise in the US is not that
It is a series of products sold with that as the pitch
but never come close to delivering
It’s very repetitive and mostly indoors and the essence of its motivation is shame and insecurity and it’s expensive and has social hierarchies embedded within it, and has a high cultural bar of inclusion and accessibility
I used to engaged aggressively with fitness youtubers. I wont name them. They had a mixed impact on me.
at one point, they really did demonstrate to me a good role model for kindess and empathy and having a goal and working towards it, for dedication, for how to grow up and be a man, they were somewhat of a north star for me after moving out of my parents house
Specicialy, Christian guzman and steve cook. they seemed to be really good people and you could not discount that they led with kindness and empathy, and never aggression. I think those are good lessons for young men to learn.
They weren’t the problem with my relationship to food and my body, a decade of an eating disorder of varying expressions and intensities, they were a sign of it’s presence.
It’s all I wanted to watch.
Entering the professional space I am in now, being mostly healed from the wounds that precipitated that eating disorder, I have pondered the idea of fitness related internet content
and I have massive approached how I think about and engage in that thing we call exercise and fitness.
and I realize that there is something at the essence of what those types of platforms and communities can do for people.
There is an essence to that thing we call fitness (the desire to conquer a mountain, expression of our personal maximal physicality) that they inspire us towards.
The essence of what they are doing is enchanting. It isn’t the specifics about numbers and their goals and macros, it isn’t anything beyond the fact that it is inspiring to see someone pursue and accomplish something.
There are good parts and bad parts.
and I think you can do it and it will still spread if you just give the good stuff.
Because there really is an essence of physical expression that is deeply impactful to the human psychology.
and I think I’ve figured out how to experience that regularly without any of the bad parts: the personal shame, the comparisons, the boredom, the misery, the cost, the blehhhhh…
I have a $30 casio watch. A headband from 2016. 2 pairs of black Nike running shorts from Kohls in 2018. A pair of Hoka Mach IIs. Meijer sunglasses. Out the door. Expression of power, or expression of endurance, effort based on feel, always just pure physical sensation, completely internal, no stats, no data, no apps, no notes, analysis, nothing that you don’t feel.
How was my run today? pure pace, baby. We hit a 5k fast and hard. Great warm up beforehand, Mid-run stretching and activation. Full breakfast. Full lunch. Several rice Krispies. Water, water, water. 3.1 miles. Settled into a pace fast that felt huffy-puffy but calm, tried to keep it within range, but also tried to respect the uphill. Beautiful outside, by the way. A lovely sun but not too hot, mild breeze, not that humid. Breathed easyyy out there. And that’s what I wanted. I wanted to go 3.1 miles as fast, yet still calm and strong and under control, as possible. Because fast out of control just leads to injury and panic. Felt like a clean run, a calm run, but a powerful one too. Several instances of feeling like an airplane. Or a majectic American eagle. I love the hoka mach 2, 10.5, no socks. The perfect shoe. I had knee surgery about a year and a half ago. this is the most running I’ve done since. Feels great.
I set a goal. I wanted to fall in love with running again. I loved running when I moved to Ann Arbor. Then I tore my meniscus. I didn’t take as good of care of it as I should have immediately afterward, and so it never felt much better after the surgery. Then I took it serious because I missed running deeply. It felt like something had been missing for a long long time, and I thought about how I would feel if I never got it back.
It’s a wonderful sport for a hyperactive and overly anxious mind. And it does so much to make me feel like I am, fundamentally, as a human being, capable of accomplishing difficult things.
I think the essence of physical pursuit is that we can, through learning, practice, and commitment, we can accomplish tremendous things. Sometimes we don’t have the ability to see that in an area of our life: work, relationships, hobbies, what have you. Doing it in another space helps you know that everywhere.
Set a realistic goal. Develop a plan. Execute the plan. Accomplish that goal. It doesn’t matter if anyone knows about it or not, you will feel more confident.
And physicality is somewhere you have autonomy over to set a goal, work toward it, and accomplish it. It’s good for your mind.
That’s what I want to write about.
My first goal was to fall back in love with running. I have, enthusiastically. By stripping away all the nonsense.
No more smart watch calculating every detail.
no more logging it on an app and checking ever changing statistics
no more monthly reports and constant comparison with PRs
no more training plans.
no more fueling plans. or supplement stacks.
no more expensive equipment and top of the line gear.
My shoes. Me. The ability to know the time. A general vibe of, long or short? fast of slow? What feels fun today? Good meals regardless. Some snacks before hand. Running is far more fun when you’re full fueled. loaded like a gun baby. I don’t know what I just ran usually, not until I look at a map, and even then, I just estimate. and I never know the pace. I set the pace during the run, I aim to give it my near maximum effort every run, never my maximum maximum, maybe once in a blue moon. Rather, I decide if im feeling long or short, find a comfortable pace, and see where the wind takes me. PRs are never the goal. The goal is to run, enjoy it, feel good, feel in control, feel strong, and be grateful for what I am lucky enough to be physically capable of.
And everyone has the ability to do something, to enjoy it, find meaning in it, explore it, and pursue excellence, if they dream of it. If there isn’t something for you, create something. We are a creative species.
So I’m not gonna start a running blog. but I am going to report my experiences with that thing that we call fitness. To show you the good side. The side that could bring us to a better place with exercise than we currently are.
time to go fitness-influencer on your ass.
youre never gonna hear about my pace, or my time, or my placement in a race, or my weight, or my body fat percentage, or my calorie goals (I don’t do anything that even begins resemble give a shit about my macronutrient distribution and total protein intake), or my macros, or my supplement stacks (because I take no supplements beyond a protein shake, historically, when climbing more, creatine, less so when I’m running, I make sure I eat and I eat heartily, like the good midwestern boy I am, and I make sure I hydrate well and consume a hearty amount of energy before I run. I like rice Krispies for shorter runs and uncrustables for long runs. And for really long stuff, I’ll eat during. That’s possible. You can definitely do that, your body adjusts fast actually.
I’m gonna tell you about what I ran and why.
How it went. How I felt. and the lessons that it taught me. And how I’m going to think about my next run.
The essence of the experience of the pursuit of physical expression. That’s what I want to deliver to you.
My next run is going to be long. I have run two long runs recently and they both went well. With both, I thought, I could keep going, I have more in me, as I ended the run. So I know I can go further. So on my next run, I’m going further. Then my body will need a few days off and a couple of runs (probably subsequently) to just be on my feet, short short short, light pace, mostly about recovery and gentle return to form.
That’s what I’ve been learning about running. I think the best thing everyone can do is try a bunch of different things, ideally things that are based on adventurous human expression, thinking running, biking, climbing, hiking, rowing, Nordic track, swimming, dancing, snowshoeing, but any physical pursuit will do, I just find these more invoking of strong human emotion, and correspondingly more enticing to return to, and go see what they can do, and then set a realistic goal of what they’d like to be able to do, and then work to accomplish it.
That’s what this page will be about.
Let’s go get it y’all
